Monday, December 10, 2007

Roch Kubatko is a Jock Sniffing Turd

And other things that have pissed me off lately.

First things first, here is where Roch Kubatko demonstrates his aforementioned Jock-Sniffing-Turdiness, in a blog entry about Jay Gibbons' suspension for receiving illegal PEDs. The gist is that Gibbons should be quickly forgiven because he was a man about it all, took responsibility, even "offer[ed] a plausible explanation."

Sure, Gibbons took responsibility, now that he got caught. Once the investigators back you into a corner and say, "here are the credit card receipts, here is the proof that you bought all these illegal drugs" it's easy to admit you did it. As for offering a plausible explanation, well...Gibbons said he took a doctor's advice, to recover from injuries more quickly. [Expect this excuse to get very popular soon]. Was Gibbons suffering from any of the following; multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, Crohn's disease, renal failure, short bowel syndrome, idiopathic short stature? No. Oh. Then why did his doctor recommend it? Probably because it was a prescription mill in another state that was selling the stuff over the internet.

Not to mention this sampling of Jay Gibbons quotes from the past few years:

November 2005: "We want to end the problem now and get back to playing ball and not worrying about steroids every day."(The problem being PED/steroid use).

October 2006: "I have passed every test administered by Major League Baseball over all the years. I have never taken anabolic steroids. And I am not going to dignify these claims and accusations with any further response." (Responding to Grimsley).

That's not "taking responsibility." That's "choosing one's words carefully" and, less precisely, "lying" and "being a dishonest shit."

But we're supposed to forgive him for this, eh Roch? No. No, I think not. But I think what we are supposed to do is understand that you don't want to take a hard line with any of the players, that you want to keep being a warehouse mouthpiece, that you want to keep cracking lame jokes on your blog and not knowing much about what makes a baseball player, or team, any good. Roch Kubatko: jock sniffing turd. (Note, I am going to keep saying that...Roch Kubatko is a jock sniffing turd...because my sincere hope is to somehow link the terms "jock sniffing turd" and "Roch Kubatko" in Google searches, so that if someone types in Roch Kubatko they will see references to "jock sniffing turd," or that if...and it could happen...they type in "jock sniffing turd" they get Roch Kubatko. My Christmas gift to Orioles fans).

Now, today, Gibbons says he's going to try to win the fans back. To wit: "All I can do is go out there and try to play good baseball and try to win them back. That's my goal."

Given that Gibbons appears to not yet have actually played good baseball at any time in the past several years, I must assume one of two things. First, he has not tried to play good baseball. In that case, the fact that he is going to try this year should make all the difference.

On the other hand, it seems entirely possible that a .314 OBP and a 101 OPS+ is exactly what Jay's capable of, since that what he has done in 779 ML AB, and that trying to play good baseball isn't going to make an ass-hair's width of difference.

Some other random thoughts.

Really looking forward to that Mitchell report. I mean really. I just hope Andy MacPhail gets some of his tradin' done before that thing comes out. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize there is, above all, one player I do not want to see on the Mitchell Report: Pedro.

Yes, that Pedro. Why? Because he is, without a doubt, the best pitcher I have ever seen, the best pitcher I will probably ever see, and in the running for best at doing whatever it is he does in ANY category that I've ever seen. I want to believe that the weird, brilliant, crazy, genius Pedro was real. I want to believe that the ERA+ of 291 (TWO. NINE. ONE. GOOD GOD THAT IS INSANE. SANDY KOUFAX NEVER CRACKED 200!!!!!!) in 2000 was real, untainted. I want to believe that he was just that freakin' good. I want to believe that at least one natural talent went out there against all those 'roided and leaded hitters and made them look like fools. Even when those hitters were playing for my beloved Orioles.

It boils down to this; the few times I saw Pedro pitch in person (and many many times on TV) I genuinely felt I was watching somebody do the thing he was born to do, and doing it inimitably. That's rare. I don't want the Mitchell report to cheapen that. I really don't.

1 comment:

robustyoungsoul said...

The prevailing opinion a lot of writers I like seem to be touting now is that a couple of studies show HGH does not improve you as a baseball player.

How about we just solve the issue by not cheating, dumbasses?

Bring on all the names. All of them. If every player in baseball the last 5 years is on there it would almost be better than just a few big names.